What is the best way to bribe my TA?

You may think that bribing your TA with coffee is a profitable venue, but this is actually not the case. In the southern wing, the TAs already flutter like colibris around the employees coffee machine, drawing free sustenance from the sweet nectar. The key to the TA psyche is to realise that they truly do not like you, and like your assignments even less. There are is thus a clever way to trick your TA into accepting your work: create code of such sheer painful abysmality, for example by writing in PHP, that he (let's be realistic) will do his outmost to keep you from having to take the course, and submit more such offal for evaluation, the following year.

The above is, of course, a dangerous strategy, and the basement of DIKU is littered with the bones of students who pushed their luck too far, so consider a different venue: Admit to your TA that you cannot get rid of yourself, but to apologise for having him read through your drivel, suggest that mutual cooperation could reduce in reduced actual workload for him. In essence, if a consequence of correcting one of your assignments is that correcting two assignments from other students will become unnecessary, that would surely make the TA look upon you with greater favour. The solution is obvious, then: you must murder your fellow students (or at least cripple them to such a degree that they abandon the course). Consider them a sacrifice at the altar of wisdom. The largest risk with this strategy is that the TA may fail you simply so that your services will be available yet again the year after, and thus it might be profitable to combine this strategy with the first one I mentioned.